Mr and Ms Viper
by Tribunal Wolf
Summary: Viper and Crane are getting married, the only thing in their way is Viper's bird raciest father. Read and Review. Chapter 3 is up. Review it.
1. The Begining

Two years after Tai lung defeat the Valley seemed to have healed almost completely, a new romance was founded between a snake and birds as they found out that they cared deeply for one another. These two animal names were Viper, master of the elusive and fast snake style kung fu, and Crane, master of the elegant and beautiful crane style. Their relation relationship was near perfect they never got into huge fights they spend almost all their free time together going on date, having picnics and the like. Well it wasn't long before Crane finally decided to pop the question, and to no one's surprise Viper had agreed to marry Crane and spend the rest of their lives together, But we wouldn't have much of a story if that was all there was to it, You see Viper parents had gotten a message about their daughters marriage arrangement and want to meet the lucky man for themselves. Our story you see, picks up about two weeks after Crane proposed, at about four in the morning when Viper and Crane were sleeping together in their new luxuries bed made of purple silk that Master Shifu was so kind to give them for an early marriage gift. They decided to rent out the old room Viper sleep in to make some extra cash for an the old orphanage Tigress attended when she was a little girl, They now lived with a teenage male mountain cat named Lee, who couldn't tell the difference between a high kick and a round house, but that is unimportant. Viper like always when she sleep with Crane wrapped her body around him starting at his waist and working up, and Crane who would have been use to sleeping standing up, tucked his beak into his wing. This sleeping routine normally took them ten to fifteen minutes to get situated.

Crane opened his eyes to see a smiling Viper, Thirsty from the Training routine he endured today and not getting any special treatment from Master Shifu, well beside the nice bed. Crane decide to slowly inch his way out of Viper's love-grip and proceed in getting his water. Crane walked into the kitchen, dishes hung everywhere from the celebration earlier yesterday afternoon, and the early wedding gift that were left out on the table consisted of, weapons they will never really use from Tigress, a baby carriage for some odd reason from Monkey followed by, and poking of the fun at the gift and "When will you have a kid?" jokes from Mantis, and of course you had to bring a gift to get cake, so Lee brought two, what appeared to be used toothbrushes all he could make out that it was something small and used for scrubbing. Crane wondered whether or not he was being rude to their personal hygiene or just too lazy to find an actually gift. Decided the angst ridden teen was just lazy, he looked for something to put all the less then lovely gift in, But not before getting an few ounce cup and putting in under a tub of clean water, drinking all the water in one large gulp. Crane let out an Ah of refreshment as he proceeded to bag the items with a sack he found on a chair. After finishing up, Crane heard something shatter coming from his room, It couldn't have been Viper, She normally sleep though anything until nine or when the gong hit, and neither one was for hours. Crane ran through the paper door leading to his room ripping the thin paper as he roll do the ground grasping the intruder in a deadly choke hold.

"Its me!" Zeng yelled before almost passing out. Waking up in bad moods, and being a little cranky. The other members of the furious five burst through Cranes door enlarging the hole already made by Crane. All sporting there night time pajamas.

"Crane killed Zeng!" Monkey shouted as Mantis screamed like a girl at the horror.

"You just couldn't take there being another bird in the valley so you killed him." Po said playing detective, examining the body and poking Zeng's wings.

Viper finally awoke after hearing the girlish screech of Mantis. "Why are you all in my roo.... Oh my god theres a dead bird near my bed." Viper said in shock as she saw a Zeng who just wasn't moving as he should have been.

"I can explain. I thought he was a robber." Crane said in his defense. Pointing at Zeng repetitive as if it were helping his case.

"Crane, Honey." Viper told her fiancé._ "Who would rob a palace guarded by the greatest warriors in China?" she ask as she was now fully aware of her situation._

_"I thought he had a gun." Crane said quickly building he defense around he fear of rejection by his wife and friends, and of course he would never last a second in prison._

_"Guns have yet to be discovered in this time period Crane." Tigress responded as she laugh at the birds attempt to cover up murder._

___Cough Cough __It was Zeng regaining consciousness, Crane let out the deepest sigh possible as the goose returned to his feet. _

_"All I was here to do was give Viper a letter!" Zeng shouted as he began to fly off out of the palace._

_The five all gathered on the silk bed as Viper used her fang as a letter opener. Along with a letter a huge bundle of money dropped to the ground, Crane, Po,Tigress, Monkey, and Mantis had never seen so much money in their lives, All growing up without luxurious things, while to Viper the bundle of cash looked like pocket money. _

_"Guys, I'm going to read this..." Viper looked to the letter then to her friends and future husband who's eyes were firmly fixed of the bundle of money._

_"GUYS!!!" Viper yelled gathering the attention of her comrades. She then went on to reading." ____Dear Viper and lucky man, We heard about you to and we want to see the lucky man for our selfs, I wanted to come visit you but your father insisted that we send for you, and that little amount we sent you should be enough for you and you boyfriend to ride first class accommodations. Hope to see you and your stud of a man soon. Love Mom." __Viper looked up to see giggling faces from all of the Five with the exception of Tigress and Crane. _

_Viper picked up the bundle of money. "Well lets go." Crane said graping a sack for Viper to travel in, Viper seeing this stopped him in his tracks.  
_

_"Crane my parents are people of class if they see me traveling in a sack they will kill you." Viper said jumping up around Crane's waist ah he let out a sigh. "And besides." Viper kissed Crane on side of his beak. "Don't you want to ride first class, You haven't lived till you try lobster."_

_"Fine, I'll call the cab." Crane said flying off to find a cab service. The furious five seeing the show was over returned to their rooms to get some sleep._

After a few hours of packing brushing up, there was only one more thing to do, beg Shifu, who was training with Po out on the courtyard with a blow of dumplings, until he lets them go to visit Viper's parents.

"I would let you visit your parents." Viper said.

"My parents have been dead for fifteen years." Shifu said returning to train Po the old fashion way, By dangling food by his mouth to make him do push ups.

"Well... Don't make me give you cute eyes." Viper threatened as prepped up for the cute eyes stare.

"Viper, NO." Shifu pleaded but it was to late, Viper's eyes had gone all anime wide eyes and lips looked as if she was a crying baby. Shifu couldn't resist.

"Fine you may go." Shifu said, while Viper jumped for joy, slithering off the grab her packed things. Shifu let out a sigh as he returned to Po's training, But he noticed something odd the bowl of dumpling had vanished and so had Po, "That fat bastard." Shifu said as he walked off to find his dumplings.

Crane then pulled up the carriage to the bottom of the steps that led to the Jade Palace, Flying up the stairs he was greeted by a farewell group comprised of Monkey, Mantis, Po, and Tigress.

"See you next week." Crane said his temporal farewells to his friends. "And before I forget here are the keys to my room only get in there when you need to." Crane then handed Tigress his room key. Tigress and the remaining three all ran into Crane's room, and a few seconds later outside Crane heard something break.

"Their throwing a party in my room." Crane said before being pushed down the stairs and into the black first class carriage.

"Well here we go." Crane said as the snake driver whip the ten horses to move. Smiling at Viper who wrapped her tail around Cranes wing looking up smiling. Thus their journey began onwards to Mr. And Ms. Vipers mansion.


	2. Dine n Stay for ever

Crane glared around the carriage it was the most luxurious thing he had ever seen in his life, The walls painted green with matching green fur carpet, a wood burning stove and bed was build right in, It was practically a house on wheels. When buying the thing Crane never thought I would be this nice. Viper on the other hand, she had seen it all before, the bright colors, the gold jewelry, everything money could buy she could get from her parents, but had no greedy desires for those types of this. She laid down on the fine mattress as Crane heated up the stove to make something to munch on. Opening the cabinet above he saw something out of the ordinary, It was filled with booze, pulling out the recent for the carriage Crane skimmed through until he found the small print, _Comes with the trips worth of alcohol. _Crane couldn't believe what he read, he wanted food not booze. Viper's eyes soon opened after the cart hit a bump in the road setting her flying of the bed. Recollecting herself she slithered up to Crane who seemed to be starring at the booze that fell onto the floor after the large bumping.

"Aw, Don't worry about that, my parents will pay for it." Viper said crawling up Crane's leg, and wrapping herself around Crane's waist. "What time is it baby?" Viper asked resting her head on Crane shoulder.

"Around mid day, why?" Crane said before being returned a groan from Viper.

"Great another six hours until we get there." Viper said. "And am board!" Viper yelled as the frustration of having nothing to finally got to her.

"Well I can think of something." Crane said lowering he down on to the bed removing his everyday blue training pants he looked to Viper who's face formed some sort of green, red Christmas display.

"Crane, now here… we couldn't possibly…" She was silenced by Cranes fingers. After a few seconds of silence Viper whispered to Crane, "What if the driver hears us?"

"Well then I guess he hears us." Crane said smiling leaning to Viper who showed no signs of not wanting to. Removing the last bit of clothing he possessed, Viper lent in and began passionately kissing Crane around his beak.

Back at the Jade Palace….

"I wonder what Crane and Viper are doing right now?" Tigress asked around the table while the warriors of the jade palace were out to lunch at Ping's noodle place.

"Their doing it I bet." Mantis said eating his chow mien laughing with food in his mouth.

"Don't be sick, Cranes far too timid to have sex, personally up until now , always thought he was gay." Po told Mantis as he chewed down his orange chicken… and dumplings… and egg rolls… and four servings of hot and sour soup.

"You know I have to thank you guys for taking me out to lunch it means a lot to me ya now, makes me feel welcome." Lee said as he enjoyed his Mongolian chicken.

"Shut up child." Tigress said returning to her meal, annoyed with the mountain cats pubescent voice.

Everyone then went silent. Lee leant over to Po before asking a question. "What's her problem?". Po heard the teen and responded in a whisper. "She's on her period, best now to piss her off." Po said getting a laugh out of Lee, "It's not funny last time she went pms she killed the last guy who lived with us." Lee then shut up returning to his food being careful not to make eye contact with Tigress.

"So why did Master Shifu not come?" Monkey said trying to start up a conversation.

"Oh, He was looking for me I stole a bowl of dumplings from him earlier today." Po said picking up his hot and sour soup and slurping up the tofu that was in the mix.

"Well why don't you go say you're sorry?" Mokey asked taking a bit out of his egg roll.

"Well its food and I can't help but eat, I have a disorder you know, so why should I apologize for something I have no control over?" Po asked the group who were all uninterested but their food.

"Shut up an keep eating!!!" Tigress yelled out of nowhere scaring Po and Monkey, who looked at her and continued eating.

Twenty minutes later…

"Well I'm done with my food." Tigress said finishing up the last bit of rice left in her bowl.

"Same here." Lee said done a long time ago.

"Were all done." Mantis said looking to the rest of the warriors.

"Ok who's going to pay?" Po asked, as all the five turned to Tigress.

"I left my purse at home."

To mantis…

"I never get money."

To monkey…

"I have no pockets."

To Lee…

"I am poor."

"Ok no one panic my dad runs the place, I'm sure he will let us off fine." Po said conveniently as his dad walked passed him just at the of his tiny speech.

"Dad could you put this meal on tap?" Po asked as he ran up to his father, who's head was low to the ground and wore a the largest frown anyone had ever seen.

"I can't son." Ping said about ready to cry, his voice was cracking and his eyes were watery.

"Why not?" Po asked his dad in shock.

"Because, I lost the shop to a man in a game of pi show." Ping said running off to cry his eyes out… and find a new place to live.

"Well then who is running this place?" Po asked looking around the shop.

"I am." Po heard a thick Chinese stereotypical voice coming from the counter. It was a pig, an ugly one at that, he had warts and a crappy Shifu mustache.

"And you no leave till you pay." The pig said signaling for his Hench men.

"And who's going to stop us?" Po asked the pig, who smiled as his fat walrus lackey fell from the sky and in front of the only exit.

"Why don't jump over…" Tigresses sentence was just short and the pig pressed a button, then out of no were fencing shot around the walls forming a ceiling of fencing disabling he warriors to jump over.

"You not leaving till you pay." The pig reapeated with a smile, and the warriors then all turned to Po.

"Well we aren't leaving for a while." Po put it plainly to his comrades who all fell over moaning and groining at the stupid panda's big fat mistake.

End of chapter two. Be sure to vote on my poll I made on my profile please, and don't forget to review.


	3. Meet the Parents

Chapter three of my CraneXViper Story. After this I promised to help a good friend of mine write a fic, Arizona Fan 93/Shawn has asked me to help write "Kung fu Panda:Elements." And I like the story, it's good. Any who what I'm trying to do is keep the characters in character, Exp. Cranes Shyness and timidness well be a huge part in this story.

Crane and Viper had clean up their "mess", They had decided that they still had plenty of time, It was still around three o'clock and they still had a least another hour before arriving at Viper Parents house, So out of nowhere Viper made a fun suggestion. Play "I never" with two people.

"Ok, But only a few rounds, It would suck if we arrived at your parents house drunk." Crane said as he got up from the bed, went to cabinet to grab a two roughly one liter bottles of maotai. Returning to the bed Crane handed a bottle of the powerful alcohol to Viper to just about snatched it from his hand.

"Maotai, My favorite." Viper said joyfully and the yummy beverage. Viper continued to speak, "You know how to play right?" Crane then shook his head _yes_, and Viper then started the game.

"Ok." Viper said thinking about the question. "I never sleep with more then two guys at once."

Viper Took a swig, But received an odd look from Crane, almost look as if he were about to burst out laughing or cry.

"It was years back, and I was drunk out of my mind, They were twin Crane, Twins!" Viper said defending herself.

"You know maybe this was a bad idea." Crane said getting up off the bed but was stopped by Viper who wrapped her tail around Cranes wing, The bottle he was holding dumped a bit on the bed leaving a stain.

"My parents will pay for that." Viper said before giving Crane cute eyes. "PLZ". Crane lasted four seconds. "Fine, but, I don't want to hear about any guys you've sleep with." Crane told Viper as he laid back down resting the bottle on his chest Viper then decided that where she should be, She then coiled herself up onto Crane, Who smiled before continuing the game.

"Ok, I never fantasized about the other making out with another person from the furious five." Crane said looking at Viper.

"I thought you said no sex related things." Viper protested as she drew closer to Cranes face.

"I said I don't want to hear who you had sex with." Crane told Viper before continuing, "They are two different things."

"Fine, But you owe me." Viper said before counting down. "One. Two. Three."

Both took a drink.

"Who'd you want me to kiss?" Viper asked Crane in a mildly sexy tone, all she had to do was lower her voice level.

"Tigress, and you wanted me to smack tongues with?" Crane asked Viper.

"Po." Viper responded hearing a gag noise from Crane. "Are you ok?" Viper asked her future husband.

"Yeah, I just threw up a little in my mouth." Crane responded, swallowing his barf.

"Ok, I have never had sex with the same gender." Vijper said.

Both took a drink before looking in awe at each other.

"When you do it?" Viper asked, In a shock and aroused voice. Turned on by her man.

"Prison, I had to rape a guy in order not to get killed. You?" Crane said smiling and aroused by Viper.

"Collage, I was in an all snake sorority, we had a sleep over at a friends house, there were no guys, so we made our own fun." Viper said sticking her tongue out at the end teasing Crane.

"Give me some details." Crane begged as Viper tried to remember that night.

"You know those twizlers candy lickerish." Viper asked Crane who nodded. "Welllllll, It kinda looked like that." Viper told Crane who by this time had a steel hard on.

"CRANE!!" Viper turned around to notice the erection, Hitting him repetitively.

"What!!, You can't tell me a story like that and expect me not to get excited." Crane responded before his turn came up.

"I never.... smoked opium." Crane said, "On three: One, Two, Three."

Both took a drink.

"We are really learning a lot about each other right now aren't we?" Viper said laughing at herself.

"Yeah, Lets keep playing this is getting interesting." Crane said, as Viper continued the game.

30 minutes later, Viper and Crane where standing, Drunk out of their minds, Their checks flushed and bodies fell over. as they tried to stand up in the moving cart.

"We're here!" The Cobra driver yelled at the couple, who responding with a pair of screams.

"Ah, We need to sober up fast." Viper said looking out the window to see her child hood "home", It was a god damn mansion.

"Ok, You go out and meet your parents, I'll get sober." Crane said pushing Viper out the door with all their luggage. Crane then turned around and slapped himself to get out all the drunkenness.

"Could you help me with this?" Viper asked the Cobra, who stared at her, Viper then held out some money.

"Yet me get those for you ma'am." The Cobra said. Sliding to Viper's aid carrying half the luggage.

"Honey!!" Viper heard a voice coming from the house, It was her mother. Viper screamed screamed as she dropped the things she was carrying to go "hug" her mom. She was stopped by her father as he crawled out of the house.

"Mom, and Dad." Viper said getting up the the mansion, hugging them both.

"Viper, where's your future husband?" Mr. Viper asked as he noticed the Cobra crawl up to the rich peoples mansion.

"Ah, heres the lucky man." Mr. Viper said making the male snake drop the luggage as he reciced a tail shake from Mr. Viper.

"Actual, daddy..." Viper began to say before she was cut off by her father.

"You two must be parched, come it." Mr. Viper said, Opening the door to his home. Seeing Crane walk out of the carriage a little sober, he continued "You there, bird, grab this luggage!" Mr. Viper yelled as he began slithering into his house.

"Daddy, the bird is my fiancé." Viper said as Mr. Viper cocked his head back at Crane, To him the bird was hideous, his daughter deserved some fake number like a bazillion times better husband then an _avian. _

"Hello Sir, My name is Master Crane of the furious five, but you can call me son." Crane said as everyone but Mr. Viper laughed at his joke, he just stood there looking at Crane, his eyes not moving away from Cranes. Mrs. Viper realized this and began to break the ice.

"So who's hungry we had the chief prepare food for your arrival." said pulling her husband was from the door and into the house.

"Yeah, lets eat." Viper said pushing Crane into the house.

"Ah hem." The Cobra said out loud to Viper, who signed and gave him a quick tip, The snake happy with his payment left, never to be mentioned in this story again.

End Chapter....

So how was it? I liked it written in two hours, spelled checked for 30 minutes.


	4. Table Talk

Po, Lee, Tigress, Monkey, and Mantis all sat back down at their table to set up a plan of escape, Po pulled a small rubber ball out of his pants. Tigress looked in disguse as the panda had no pockets.

"This is an idea ball, I am going to throw it to you and your going to say the first thing that comes to your mind." Po said thorwing the ball to Lee.

"Tigress naked." Lee said quickly only to be hit by the female tiger, Po intervined.

"Ok, the fist thing that comes to King regarding our current situation." Po said pulling Lee away from Tigress. Lee wiped the blood from his head, He threw the ball to Mantis.

"Tigress having sex with the guard while we sneak out." Mantis said smileing and lauging.

Po started to giggle. "Yeah Tigress you'll have to take one for the team.". Lee joined in on the Tigress bashing.

"I am not having sex with anyone!" Tigress said slamming her hand on the table.

Mantis threw the ball to Tigress.

"We all have licenses to murder." Tigress said, "Why don't we just kill him?"

The five smiled as they turned to the new owner of Po's father restaurant.

"What you looking at fools?" The owner said looking at the Furious Five.

'Get him!" Po yelled as they him and the five charged after the owner, who ran into the shop, ran up to Po's old room and looked him self in.

"Damn it." Tigress said as she kicked the door, but to no avail.

"What should we do now?" Monkey asked.

"We could always send Tigress in naked." Lee said laughing only to be hit in the back of the head by Tigress.

"Well, then we'll just have to think of something else." Po said punching the palm of his hand. "Come on guys, teamwork, we have five brains."

"Actually you and Lee only count for half." Tigress said insulting the panda. "So we only have four, But your right we do need to come up with something."

Back at the Viper estate a sober Crane and Viper sat down at Mr. Viper's table, It was a square table, Viper sat on one side Mrs. Viper sat on the other while Crane and Mr. Viper sat opposite of each other. The head chief brought out the food as the bodyguard/ servant to the Viper family was nowhere to be seen at the moment. It was time for the first course white rice with duck sauce, with bits of pork in it.

"So tell me how did you two meet up?" Mrs. Viper asked breaking the one-sided tension between Mr. Viper and Crane.

"Well," Viper said trying to remember the day they met. " It was about eight years ago when he first joined the Furious Five." Viper smiled at Crane. "Being new to the town, he was quite the shy person, We didn't even talk for about a week, But I'll never forget the first words he said to me." Viper laughed. "Actually more like the first words I was able to understand, He mumbled a lot.".

Crane let out a nerves laugh. "Viper no one wants to hear this story, Tell em about the time me and you went to the park and a beehive fell on my beak."

"He asked me where the bathroom was." Viper said laughing at old memories.

"How did he ask you to marry him?" Her mother asked, her father grunted.

Viper giggled, "Its kind of cheesy." Viper calmed down enough to tell them. "One day Crane bought me eleven Tiger Lilies, I just thought he was trying to butter me up." Viper blushed. "Let's just say it worked." She said looking over to Crane smiling, Crane had an embarrassed look on his face while he pretended that he fiancé wasn't revealing their romance/sex life to her parents. " _Afterwards _When he was holding me in his… um…. Wings and I was holding on the most prettiest flower in the world , He pointed at the mirror and said "Your looking and the twelve most beautiful things in the world." I asked him what he meant by twelve. I only had eleven flowers, he said "You.", that's when he pulled out a ring that was imbedded in the flower and proposed to me." Viper finished her story only to look over and find a blushing Crane.

"Good, now I have some questions." Mr. Viper said as he looked over to Crane who began to eat his meal.

"How do you plan to support my daughter?" Mr. Viper asked Crane who looked up at the old snake.

"Oh well Master Shifu pay for all our utilities and a little extra." Crane said answering Mr. Viper.

"When should I be expecting Grand children?" Mr. Viper asked, Crane and Viper both spat out their food.

"It's a little early for that daddy, We're not even married yet." Viper told her father in a near frantic tone.

"It thing they would make wonderful parents." Mrs. Viper said adding her impute.

"And what do you plan to do once they are born?" Mr. Viper asked targeting Crane.

"Um, Actually I plan to open an art school." Crane said proudly.

"Yeah, we decided to invest in education." Viper said, "The Furious Five will find new members."

"Po and Lee will be filling in our spots." Crane told Viper who forgot about that little detail.

Just then they heard the door to the kitchen swing open.

"Sorry I am late." It was…

"It's ok you're like family." Mrs. Viper said.

Crane couldn't believe his eyes, It was Mei Ling.

That's all for now folks, from here on out I want to be more serious with this story. It won't be about sex all that much, Mr. Viper will come up with a plan to get rid of Crane from his daughters life, Mei Ling will have a role in that.. Feeling shine though as the five have to work together to get out of the restraint. Anyway please review.


End file.
